That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did i walk over a car last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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