Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
