I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
