i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
