So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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