I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
