are you still at the devil's house?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
