Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
