if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
