I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
