we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
