I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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