That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
