you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
