Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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