After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A+ Viking dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
