at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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