hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
