My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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