so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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