farters have to be the big spoon...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
