chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
