In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
ok first of all what the fuck
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
