Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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