i just wanna soil my oats bro
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
