If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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