I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
