so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
