this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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