i would punch a child for taco bell
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
