you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
