I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best revenge is premature balding
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
