i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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