Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
