Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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