Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
