I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
