Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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