so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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