This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
