Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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