i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
