the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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