I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
