I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
