I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
