Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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