I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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