I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
