and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
