does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Terrible idea I love it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
