my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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